The Power of Chosen Families - Advent 2 - December 5, 2021
Deborah Laforet
Ruth 1:15-19a Luke 1:39-45, 56
The Power of Chosen Family
Let us pray. May the words from my lips and the meditations of my heart be guided by
the Spirit and be words of wisdom for this day. Amen.
Family gatherings can be times of laughter, love, and gratitude, but for some they can be
times of trauma, dysfunction, and turmoil. Family gatherings can be opportunities to gather with our families and remind ourselves of why we love them; while for others, they are lonely times, times with reminders of loved ones who are gone, and times of grief and stress. The holiday time can be beautiful and special AND painful and hurtful.
I read an article a few years ago in our United Church Broadview magazine about support for people who are estranged from their family. There is an organization in the UK called Stand Alone. They offer advice and support services to those who have become estranged or disowned from their family or key family member. In the UK, research has shown that 1 in 5 families will be affected by estrangement and over 5 million people have decided to cut contact with at least one family member. The numbers are not known in Canada, as this research has not been done here, but I’m sure it must be similar. I’m sure we all know of people who either do not see their families or know those who have talked of a family member they haven’t seen in years.
Then there’s GriefShare. GriefShare is an organization that describes itself as “a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences.” If you have a loved one who has died, you can join a GriefShare support group in your area and attend as many meetings as you like. During the holidays, they have a special page on their website. “Wondering how you will survive the weeks surrounding Thanksgiving and Christmas? Are you dreading these holidays, knowing that everything has changed and that happy memories from past years can’t be recreated?” GriefShare offers special support groups during the holidays where people can support one another during a time when the grief of losing a loved one can be overwhelming.
These support groups can become like family. Whether you are estranged from your family or have lost a loved one, sometimes new families can be formed. Love, laughter, and gratitude can be found in chosen families.
As I mentioned last week, we are spending the first three Sundays of Advent, exploring extraordinary families from our bible. In our pageant, on the fourth Sunday, on December 19th, these stories will be interspersed throughout our pageant and will represent our usual cast of characters in the Christmas story.
Laura read two stories today. The first is a well loved story and the words we heard today are often read at wedding or anniversary celebrations, but Ruth does not utter these words to a prospective or long time husband, but to her mother-in-law.
The story begins with Naomi leaving Bethlehem with her husband and two sons. There was a famine in Bethlehem and the family was looking for security elsewhere. They moved to Moab, and while there, the two sons marry Moabite women Tragicallly, Naomi’s husband and her two sons die, leaving three widows behind. Naomi decides to return to Bethlehem, but urges her daughters-in-law to stay in Moab with their families. There was no sense in them following her, a woman who had lost everything and could promise them nothing. One daughter-in-law took her advice. The other, Ruth, said the following words: “Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you! Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die—there will I be buried. May the Lord do thus and so to me, and more as well, if even death parts me from you!”
Ruth and Naomi are a chosen family. Was Ruth running from a dysfunctional family? Why did she follow her mother-in-law to a new land, filled with strangers? Was Naomi more than just a mother-in-law, maybe more of a mother than her own, maybe like a sister? Whatever the reason, Naomi and Ruth clung to one another. They leaned on each other, as two widows in an age where women needed men to provide and protect.
And then we have Mary and Elizabeth from our Christmas story as told in the gospel of Luke. We are told they are cousins. We don’t know their background, whether they were first cousins or distant cousins. We know Elizabeth was older and that Mary was a young woman. The text tells us that once Elizabeth discovered she was pregnant, she was in seclusion for five months, probably a very lonely existence. In the sixth month, Mary received her news from the angel of her upcoming birth, and then Mary travelled to see Elizabeth and stayed with her for three months. According to my calculation, this could mean Mary was with Elizabeth when Elizabeth gave birth.
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Maybe they supported one another. Maybe Mary supported a pregnant older cousin without a strong family unit around her, and maybe Elizabeth supported Mary as a young woman who had become pregnant before she was married. Maybe both were outsiders, separated from family, and both leaned on one another during this time - a chosen family.
My first placement as a minister was in a rural town in Saskatchewan. Me and my family were far from family and friends. We felt this distance the most during times of celebration and especially on holidays, but got to know others who were also on their own and we invited them to join us for our celebrations. The kids had Saskatchewan grandmas, we had ministers, also far from family, join us for Thanksgiving dinner, people within the congregation I served invited us for dinner, joined us at events, or splurged on a cake for a significant birthday. Being so far from home, meant finding family close to our new home. Our chosen family in Saskatchewan became very important and, although we may not be in touch as much as we’d like now, they are still greatly missed.
Even Jesus had a chosen family. Jesus travelled far from home, teaching and healing, but along with him on his journey were his disciples. These were the people with whom he ate and drank, the people who would have joined him in cultural traditions, the people with whom he laughed and cried, plotted and conspired, with whom he shared stories and love. These were the people with whom he spent his last supper before he died.
There is power in chosen family. I see it here at St. Paul’s. I see it when UCW groups meet. I see it in the those who gather for Pubs and Pews or on Monday nights for softball. I see it in youth groups and Sunday School. When the pandemic caused us to close our doors, I saw it in the phone calls, the offers of support, and the tenacity not to leave anyone behind or forgotten. A faith community can be a chosen family.
For some, in order to find peace, it means looking outside of those people that raised them, outside of those related by blood. Sometimes peace is found among those we have grown to love, who we know love us, those people we have chosen to be our family.
May God bless us and our families, those we were born into and those we have chosen. May Christ and his chosen family be an example to us. May the Spirit bring all families together in hope, peace, joy, and love, this season and always. Amen.